My kids are idiots!! Don’t get me wrong, I love them to death, but they are idiots. I don’t know how or when this happened. I have searched high and low for evidence of pods, but have found none. I am however, quite certain that something has gone awry.
They were not born idiots. None of them. They all showed the promise of greatness when they were just little things. And then, one by one, as if each followed in their elders footsteps, it happened. Idiocy.
They seem to have lost even the most basic comprehension skills.. At some point in their development, ” put your shoes in your room” began to be heard as “lay down on your bed and have a rest”. As time passed, “can you take the dogs for a walk?” was interpreted as “put your headphones on byand have a rest”. It was sad to watch, really.
The next phase of this intellectual demise, was the inability to clean. ” Please clean up your mess”, they were each told.
“In a minute”, they would respond. But nothing happened. The mess was still there the following morning.In fact, it would grow, mutate, to an even messier display. And then the cognitive confusion, set in.
“I think something exploded in the microwave”, one of them would say.
“Well”, I would reply, ” clean it”.
“I don’t know how to clean the microwave”, a voice shot back.
“Same as cleaning anything else. Sponge, warm water, soap.”
“Oh, I don’t do it like that”.
“Then do it anyway you want to do it”.
“But I don’t know how”.
The lack of logic, the conversations that seemed to have no discernible end, had me convinced that something was wrong with my kids. It reached pitch fever, when I noticed that they could not put toilet paper rolls on the holder, or turn off a light when they left a room. When reminded on numerous occasions that they were to complete these tasks, they informed me that they had forgotten.
I found the water pitcher that had been placed back in the fridge, was empty. Completely empty. There was no water to refrigerate, but the pitcher was put back in the fridge. When they were asked why, their response was ‘I don’t know”. Amazing.
Three of them have moved out, but the idiocy has not abated. It has followed them to a new environment. The two still at home, well, their idiocy continues to astound and impress me.
I have asked my wife where this comes from, as it is not my side of the family. I follow her as she leaves the room with her tablet, headphones in, and proceeds to pour herself a glass of water, and returns the now empty pitcher to the fridge.